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Make sure the kids remain loyal to both parents

Georgia readers may be interested to know that children from divorced families seem to feel more secure if they know that both parents love them and are completely committed to doing the right thing for them. Sometimes, it's hard for divorced parents to feel kindly toward one another when negotiating child custody issues, so one psychologist offered a few suggestions that might make the going easier.

She recommends that parents always attempt cooperative co-parenting and have adult conversations with their ex-spouse. Both parents need to be committed to the children and have regular contact. There's no avoiding having conversations with the ex-spouse about the children, so they should make every effort to make sure that the conversations are respectful, even when touchy topics are being negotiated. This also helps to avoid conflicts and keep the children from putting the other parent in the middle when, for example, there are rules at one home that they don't like.

The psychologist also stated that parents should never speak in a negative manner about an ex-spouse, and they shouldn't let the children do it either. Sometimes negative comments about the other parent are really the child's way of asking if it's okay to go and have a good time on an upcoming visit. No matter what they say, children don't want to hear their parents speaking ill of each other.

It's important to make sure that both parents have an equal role in the lives of their children. If the negotiations are proving to be difficult, a family law attorney could review the situation. The attorney may help everyone come to an agreement that is in the best interests of the children.

Source: Huffington Post, "Navigating Loyalty in Divorce", Dr. Peggy Kruger Tietz, September 17, 2013

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